Why Can't I Figure This Out?

Thursday, September 25, 2014

People often seek out coaching services when they feel stuck and when they can’t figure out how to create the change in their life that they desire. Often times the change is related to wanting a new and different career or wanting to change their business focus but they aren’t sure what they want that change to be. They don’t know what they want to do and want help figuring it out. For many of my clients, when they get two coaching sessions into the coaching engagement and still haven’t figured it out (because it takes longer than that), they get frustrated. They want to know: Why can’t I figure it out. What is wrong with me?

The short answer is first, nothing is wrong with you. And the reason you can’t figure it out is: First, because you’re trying to force it. Second, because you’re focused on the fact that you can’t figure it out and third, because you aren’t allowing yourself the time and space to figure it out.

How do you combat these very normal and typical reactions to feeling frustrated because you want to know what’s next for your career and your business but you don’t? First, stop trying so hard. A trap I see many clients fall into is they want to force something new into place because they are so anxious to get away from their current career or business. Often when we force something new and take the next thing that seems semi-interesting we discover it isn’t much better than the thing we are trying to escape. Relax. Stop forcing things and let the process of your discovery of what’s next unfold.

Second, instead of concentrating so much on what you can’t figure out, focus on the fact that you’re closer than you were yesterday and tell yourself you will figure it out. Tell yourself you ARE figuring it out. What we focus our attention and energy on is what we bring into our experience. By keeping your attention on what you can’t yet figure out about what’s next for your business or career, you perpetuate that situation.

Finally, give yourself the gift of time to figure it out. Forgotten dreams and desires take time to reappear and come to the surface of your awareness after being buried for a long time. Our passions and desires and what we truly want to do are often buried under 20 years of doing something we think we are “supposed to do” and can also be buried under our own fears and limiting beliefs about what we actually CAN do. It takes time for those buried dreams to resurface, which is the whole purpose of coaching – to allow you the time and space to uncover them. However, if you don’t allow yourself the time and space for them to reappear, they won’t.

Remember, you can figure it out and you will figure it out if you stop forcing things, if you focus on your progress, and if you allow yourself the time and space to do so. Your ‘what’s next’ is on the other side of all that.

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